This being a mom thing isn't easy. Parker came home from the hospital last Friday. Earlier in the week we were told Friday was a possibility, but then he lost more weight and it seemed unlikely. I just wanted to be out by Sunday. But when I showed up at the hospital on Friday morning they told me that he was being discharged that day!
Our first night at home was terrifying. I'm not sure if it's like this for all parents, or if it was scarier for us as preemie parents. It's so important that he gain weight and not get sick. For the first two weeks of his life there was the constant presence of nurses who could check that his vitals were ok and that he was actually breathing. Now it was just us, and that's really scary. I called the midwife the first night because he sounded congested and I was afraid that he was sick within hours of leaving the hospital.
Besides the fears, the first day and night were super exhausting. Although my baby was two weeks old, I hadn't had to do 24/7 care yet and so bringing him home was a totally different story. Not only did I now have to pump in the night, but I had to feed him as well. So my half hour pump sessions turned into a minimum of an hour long ordeal. I say ordeal because getting him to eat is sometimes a struggle. With a preemie you can't just take their lead on when they are hungry. I need to feed him at least every 3 hours whether he knows he's hungry or not.
It's funny because I don't have anything to compare this to. I know that all new moms are overwhelmed and exhausted, but I don't know how my experience compares to theirs. Every day we get a bit more settled, I'm able to accomplish a little bit more and I kind of figure out the routine a bit more. (Except for now he's eating every hour and a half to 2 hours so basically I'm feeding him all the time!) I'm still worried about him although not as worried as I was when we first brought him home.
And most days I wonder why I even bother wearing a shirt. I gave up on putting Parker in clothes. He eats better naked and spits up if I jostle him by putting clothes on too quickly and by the time I can put clothes on him it's almost time to eat again.
But that face, it makes it all worth it.
I don't have the energy to proofread this so hopefully it makes sense...