Second Babies

I just want to clear a few things up about second babies.  My entire life I've been listening to my sister, who has a serious case of the middle child syndrome, complain about how everyone else is more loved.  And now that I have 2 kids, I think I can speak to it a little bit.

I love my second baby so so much.

With Cooper, when I had him I already knew what it was like to have a baby and have them grow so incredibly fast.  With Cooper I soak in every second.  I just look at him and can't help but smile at how much love I have for him.

The more kids you have, the more your attention is divided.  This is something that can't be helped.  And I feel that at different times, each kid requires more attention, meaning the other kid gets a bit less than they maybe deserve.  (And then in comes the mom guilt...)  But the love?  The love just multiplies.

Cooper definitely gets less attention from everyone else than Parker did at the same age.  But from me the kiddo gets loads of attention.  I could just stare at him all day.  And eventually, when he's bigger and his interest in me isn't solely because I'm his food source, I know he will get lots of attention too.

I mean look at this face.  What's not to love?

Mother's Day

Mother's Day isn't so much about appreciation at this point.  I mean I know that Parker appreciates me in the only way that he knows how.  He probably shows more appreciation right now than he will in 5 years.  These days I'm getting lots of hugs and kisses and it's great!

But I found this Mother's Day to be more about reflecting on motherhood.  Motherhood has changed me in ways that I never could have expected.  I knew I would love my kids, but until you have them you don't know how overwhelming and all consuming that love is.  

There are moments where Parker drives me absolutely bonkers.  (Like right now as he's getting into everything he shouldn't.)  But I love the kid to death.  I never get tired of his kisses.  And when he's in trouble it takes everything in me to not just snuggle him.  

I also appreciate my own mother so much more than I ever did before because I understand her now.  As a kid you have these expectations of what a mom should do.  And to a point those expectations are accurate, because now I know I would do anything for Parker.  But that doesn't mean it's easy.  It's hard work being a parent.  Kids are needy and want attention constantly.  They get into trouble and refuse to eat their dinner.  They wake up at 2am because they are teething and although you want to sleep sometimes you have to get up to comfort them.  They poop, a lot, and it's disgusting.  

But they are also energetic and filled with joy and giggles.  And they love you so unconditionally.  And so I do everything I can for that little tiny boy because he needs me and I need him.  

Happy Mother's Day baby boy, thanks for making me a mommy.

And a picture of Parker being silly, just because

Time

My view on time has changed greatly since having a baby.

Before I had a baby I would think, I wish time would go faster.  If I could only graduate high school things would be better.  If I can just get through this year of university, it will be summer.  When I graduate university and get a real job, life will be perfect.  When I get married, life will be complete.  And it goes on and on.

For the first half of pregnancy, I wanted time to go so fast.  I was terrified of something happening to the baby.  Once we got past the first half though it got a bit better.  We knew the baby was healthy, I could feel little baby flutters and I loved being pregnant.  

And then the baby was born, and this concept of time is completely different from my pre-baby concept of time.  I blinked and 8 months passed me by.  And now I'm terrified that I will blink again and 25 years will have passed me by.  

As adults, we don't really change all that quickly.  It takes years to notice how we age, and it's usually not until you look at an old picture that you think, whoa!  I look older!  But with kids, they change so rapidly.  They get fatter, they grow an inch taller a month, one day they roll over, and it seems like the next day they can sit up.  And time goes fast.

I love everything about watching Parker develop and grow, but I don't want it to fly by.  I just want to sit back, slow down and enjoy it.  I look at my parents, who have 3 kids in their twenties and wonder what it's like to be there.  To have all your kids out of the house (ok they don't quite have that...).  But to have them be independent, making their own money, possibly married with their own kids, and I can't imagine!  

We have one life and we have a short span of time to be with our kids when they are truly dependent on us.  When they look to us for all of their needs, for snuggles, for tickles and for stories.  And that time is going to go fast.  And I'm not looking to the future to fulfill me anymore.  My time is now.  This is the best time of my life and someday I will look back and think how did my 4 pound baby turn into a 6 foot tall man?