Friday, 2 October 2015
My view on time has changed greatly since having a baby.
Before I had a baby I would think, I wish time would go faster. If I could only graduate high school things would be better. If I can just get through this year of university, it will be summer. When I graduate university and get a real job, life will be perfect. When I get married, life will be complete. And it goes on and on.
For the first half of pregnancy, I wanted time to go so fast. I was terrified of something happening to the baby. Once we got past the first half though it got a bit better. We knew the baby was healthy, I could feel little baby flutters and I loved being pregnant.
And then the baby was born, and this concept of time is completely different from my pre-baby concept of time. I blinked and 8 months passed me by. And now I'm terrified that I will blink again and 25 years will have passed me by.
As adults, we don't really change all that quickly. It takes years to notice how we age, and it's usually not until you look at an old picture that you think, whoa! I look older! But with kids, they change so rapidly. They get fatter, they grow an inch taller a month, one day they roll over, and it seems like the next day they can sit up. And time goes fast.
I love everything about watching Parker develop and grow, but I don't want it to fly by. I just want to sit back, slow down and enjoy it. I look at my parents, who have 3 kids in their twenties and wonder what it's like to be there. To have all your kids out of the house (ok they don't quite have that...). But to have them be independent, making their own money, possibly married with their own kids, and I can't imagine!
We have one life and we have a short span of time to be with our kids when they are truly dependent on us. When they look to us for all of their needs, for snuggles, for tickles and for stories. And that time is going to go fast. And I'm not looking to the future to fulfill me anymore. My time is now. This is the best time of my life and someday I will look back and think how did my 4 pound baby turn into a 6 foot tall man?